The last guy who derided a product I bought met a terrible fate. I threw my keys at his groin and scratched his face with my nails. Seriously, I don't play around. "Call me an idiot again!" I yelled, as I pulled his hair. Afterwards I called his boss to demand to have him fired. Later I called his mother and told her that her boy wasn't very smart. Then I told him I would cancel my subscription to his magazine and that I would never purchase any product that even rhymed with his name.
We tend to take criticism of our products personally. We're completely embarrassed when anyone even gives a negative opinion of even the most mundane items we purchase. Just yesterday I saw that my neighbor bought a used 1999 Mustang V6. I walked over as he stood back admiring his car, put my hands on my waist and said "I heard that a blender crushing a bag of ice was smoother than the engine in these cars." What I thought was an innocent comment aimed at educating him led to frustration as I came home from work the next day to find my beloved dog shaved bald.
I know from personal experience that I can't handle it when someone points out that my Oral B 2000x SuperTooth Hero is no longer the best toothbrush on the market. I remember crying profusely when someone criticized the soap I used in my guest bathroom (I don't have a guest bathroom, everyone has to pee in the same place I do... suckers.) Many of us really feel like fools when someone claims the product we purchased isn't spectacular. We begin to get defensive, and then lash out. Usually with strong words and clapperclaw.
Such are the risks that you take when you review a product. Say the wrong thing about a particular brand of tampons and you'll have 26lbs of hate mail the next day from angry and unpleasant women telling you about how Kotex saves baby unicorns in Africa.
I'm willing to bet a testicle that Motorcyclists are the worst, by a large margin. Is it because motorcycle people are intolerant fools, or is it because they've been raised that way? Nature? Nurture? Which is it? When you buy a motorcycle magazine, you can't help but notice that the reviews are essentially a press release. Not only do magazine companies have to fear the wrath of readers threatening to cancel their subscriptions if they say anything bad about their particular motorcycle, the magazine also risks losing that manufacturer as a sponsor. Worse is losing out on being offered test bikes or attending product launches, if you don't test a bike, what are you going to write about? In light of this, any criticism, even if it's the truth is just bad business. Unfortunately this creates boring journalism. It's as if publications are typing with one hand while sticking their other hand down the front of the pants of the manufacturers. The readers are the ones who suffer, even though they don't even know they're being duped.
I have no such restrictions, and I rather enjoy people lobbing their keys at my boyhood. I'll be your shining light and your most hated foe. Just keep your opinions to yourself because I'll of course hate you for them.
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