The BMW 1200GS is as elegant looking as a drunk hooker at a British tea party. Quite frankly, it’s ugly at every angle. Consider this: It was designed by Germans. The last time the Germans designed something beautiful was in 1888 and I’m not even sure what that thing was. Some motorcycles, however, like the MV Agusta F4RR, are awe inspiringly beautiful. Their lines, their curves, all flow together in harmony to create motorcycle perfection. Showing up to a party on an MV Agusta F4RR is like showing up at a dinner party on an Arabian horse. All your friends would think you were so charming, and that girl who has shunned every advance you've made earlier in the week will suddenly be willing. Showing up to a party on a BMW 1200GS on the other hand, is like showing up to a party saddled-up on the back of a tyrannosaurus rex with lasers attached to its sides and pet falcons to stab people's eyes out. Sure, you won’t get the girl, but boy would you be the coolest person in the world.
In 2009, damn near one in three motorcycles sold by BMW were 1200gs and 1200gsa models. So when BMW decided to update its coolest bike for 2010, it decided not to change much, but simply gave it bigger muscles. Double camshafts and bigger valves up the power a small bit to 110hp, a 5hp increase. Can you feel the difference between the 2009 and the 2010 engines? Well, it depends. When you're stuck in the mud in Namibia, or going over washboard dirt roads in Bolivia, you're really not caring or noticing the 5hp. The only time you would is if you're riding on the silky smooth roads in Florida, but in that case you're on the wrong bike. There are many motorcycles that are a much better choice for the black stuff.
If you've ever seen a 1200gs in person, you'll no doubt notice how gargantuan the thing is. It looks like it was made for the Colossus of Rhodes. I'm 6ft tall and my legs are as long and as attractive as any man's legs have a right to be, and I'm having a hard time climbing onto that thing. You do need a bit of a speed and a hop to swing a leg over it. I brought a friend with me of average 5'8" height to a BMW dealership and he couldn't touch both feet to the ground on the GSA that stood in the showroom. He quite literally looked like a male dog lifting his leg to have a pee. I, on the other hand, was able to tip toe both feet, but I had to crush my nards to get it to happen.
So we know the 1200GS is cool, and we know it's big, but how is it like to drive? On the go, the bike doesn't fully shed its size. It still carries the sensation that it's a substantial piece of machinery. This thing seems to have been designed more for invading Poland than for everyday jaunts to your local hippie/communist coffee house. It is a bit hard to maneuver at slow speeds, but it rides nice enough once the speed is above 15mph. There have been better machines made for highway riding, but the GS1200S is not that bad. You sit comfortably in it, your lower body is in a very natural position, your knees aren't cramped, your lower back and neck aren't stressed, and your arms land on the grips in a very comfortable position. Even armed with the first hand sensation of sitting on one, you can't help but feel that it's still not quite as good as the other bikes designed for that purpose. It is absolutely no secret that there are a million bikes that are significantly better for dirt riding. Compared to anything dirt related, the 1200gs is just too big. Compared to a street bike though, it's quite competent. so in the grand scheme of things I would say it was sort of ok in the dirt. I mean "sort of" because if you drop one, you'll need a forklift and a tow truck to get it back upright. In all seriousness, a man of above average strength COULD do it on hard ground by himself, but he'll really be straining. If it's in deep mud, or if it's at the wrong angle, then you will need a friend to help you, and that's the truth.
At this point, you might be wondering "so what's the point?" It isn't the best pavement touring bike, it surely isn't the best dirt bike due to its weight, so then, why? why buy one? Well my friends, let me tell you, there is absolutely no bike on the planet that can take a punch the way a 1200gs can. You can crash it all day long and it'll keep going. Drive it into a river. Crash it into a boulder. Drop it on gravel 600 times, it doesn't matter what you do, there is no other bike that could possibly take a beating the way this one can. If you want to ride across the planet to somewhere remote and inhospitable, and you want to come back, you take a 1200GS. If you didn't you're probably walking home, and you're a mouth breather.
While I would love to end this review here, I can already feel the hate mail coming. Sure, you could have ridden a DR650 or a KLR650, but when you get back from Swaziland, you still have to live with it. The KLR is about as cool as farting on your first date.
The Good:
-SUPER COOL
-Reliable
-Takes a punch
-Not too shabby while cruising
The Bad:
-It's fat
-It's fat
-It's fat
-It's fat
-It's expensive
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